Retrograde, Part 3

This wraps up this series of posts. 

I was surprised, actually, at how few images I found while going through my backlog. I was even more surprised at how few of them are really meaningful, impactful images. Most of them were taken as a lark, during random wanderings, fits of restlessness, or tests of a new camera or lens.

This is not a put-down of my work. And to be fair, during half of 2013 and well in to 2014 I was busy at work on my 100 Strangers Project. That project has meaning, impact, at least for me. Finishing it was extremely gratifying, and I'm proud to share it with people even now, two years after it wrapped. 

But for someone so obsessed with photography, it sure feels as though I've hardly participated in it over the last couple years. I have the desire to create, I'm often inspired, and yet I'm frustrated by my lack of ideas and my wavering, unsteady motivation.  

So at the start of every year, I decide that I'm going to shoot more. I promise that I won't allow a single day to go by without making at least some progress. If I'm not shooting, then I'm editing, and if not editing, than studying. And the effort usually starts well, but then I fall back into old habits, and the result is what you see here. The problem is not how often I shoot or how hard I study. The problem is: I have no good story to tell you. 

So maybe, instead of saying "I'm going to shoot more," I should be saying, "I'm going to experience more." Then, maybe, I'll have something to say.

Again, at the start of every year, I decide that this is going to be the year, finally; this is going to be the year when I make my move: I'm going to quit my job, buy a one-way ticket to anywhere, abandon anything and everything that is familiar, take my leave of it, all, and renounce finally this lifestyle of hesitation and fear and doubt and half-measures, and go and have an experience, and then, accept whatever comes my way next: success or failure, happiness or regret, answers or just more questions. In reality, it would likely be some measure of all those things. And I could accept that, because the alternative is to do nothing, and gain nothing, and collect more pretty pictures that are empty of value except for the part where they are well photographed. 

But running away is not a solution either, at least, not on its own. Whether I travel 1 mile or 10,000, if I don't have an aim, a purpose, then the trip is wasted. And I have to figure out the root cause of this blockage, this inertia, that keeps me from making any real progress. That's the real puzzle. For all the efforts I've made, I've never been able to understand why it is that I can't seem to just do things. I know what I want. I've identified what makes me happy. But for reasons I don't understand, I am either unable or unwilling to act. I've lived my whole life in a straight line. A big change is necessary. It's long overdue. I'm just not sure how to do it.  

Honestly, I didn't expect a trip through my backlog to turn in to this lengthy blog post. I might be taking this too seriously. I only meant to share some photos I thought were good. This is all just for fun. Perspective is important. Let me just be grateful that I have the ability and the means to make and share some photos. They were not very meaningful to me when I started editing them, but they are now.

Part 1

Part 2